My experiment centered around the theory that if there are toys on the floor and you are wearing no shoes you stand a 99.9% chance of either stubbing a toe on one of these toys or of stepping directly on the sharpest edge of the toy. This theory is driven by the fact that our feet have a gravitational pull roughly 100x greater than that of our own planet.

This small gravitational pull is just enough to pull any toy within a close proximity either under the foot just prior to it touching the ground or to pull the toy into the foot at a high enough rate of speed to cause massive trauma. The end result is the same: endless hopping and cursing usually followed by a violent reaction of kicking the attacking object which usually results in additional trauma.

I setup my experiment by littering the house with random toys. I actually let my lab assistants do this part for me since they are far more efficient at it than I am. The reality is that they’d in fact already done this part and continue to do so on a daily basis.

I simply walked around the house like I normally do and lo and behold I managed to step on roughly every toy possible with a few random toe stubbings littered in. Any parent of small children has conducted similar experiments inside their own home so I am confident the science community will accept my new hypothesis as an accepted theorum. If all goes well, I’ll be writing up my scientific findings in an upcoming issue of a science journal. Until then, mind your podiatric gravity.