The Softening of a Hard Heart
I’ve been going to church all my life. As a teenager, I spent most of my free time volunteering in some form or fashion. I lived at church. After I got married I drifted away and spent a good few years being bitter about who knows what at this point. My family and I casually returned to a different church and went there for a while before taking another break. We did this at another large church here in town and it also resulted in a period of non-attendance.
Not too long ago my wife started attending MOPS over at Castle Hills First Baptist, an older, but still quite large church here in San Antonio. After seeing how much the kids enjoyed it, we decided to start attending weekend services there. This was just a few weeks ago. I had been enjoying the new church, just as I had in the past, up until this past weekend. This past Sunday was different.
The message was about obedience and disobedience and the rewards you will reap for being obedient to God versus the curses you will receive for being disobedient. I could tell there was something going on that was different, something I hadn’t experienced in a long time. At the end of the service, there was an altar call to pray for the nation, our state, our city, and our communities and I felt led to go up there. When I hit my knees, a flood of emotion came over me like I’ve never experienced before. I could tell that God was speaking to me. He was telling me that it was time to let him back in control.
You see, I’m a fairly independent person. I’ve always felt confident that I could resolve any issue that came up or fix any problem. This isn’t how God wants us to live. He wants us to trust him to resolve our issues and our problems and I’ve spent the last 6 years hardening my heart against letting God have any say so in my life. It took 6 years to get there and only an hour for him to wipe that away.
I’m not big on discussing feelings and emotions so it’s a miracle that I’m willing to share this with anyone, but I’ve felt different since Sunday. I’m still stressed about the things I was stressed about, but I don’t feel like the burden is mine alone. It’s going to take a while to shift gears from “I can do all things through myself” to “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”, but I’m confident I can get back to that and let God really use me for something great.
good deal….thanks for being real….remember we are all human we all fall short of Gods glory….God is in the business of reconciliation and restoration….after all he has forgiven us…..I dont know what youve been hardened too or against….but your takin a step in the right direction. and ive been there….done that….have the tshirt and the wonderful feeling of healing to prove it!!!
This is my first time to stop by your site. I am so glad I did. God so has a plan for you and Lauren. I can’t tell you how blessed I am to have known you in those volunteer years. Your commitment to bring cool to church was part of what brought me back (almost 14 yrs. ago). It is so awsome when a man surrenders to God – powerful, impacting, life changing. The picture of your response in my mind is a gift – hope. May God richly bless your response to Him. I love the scripture, The Lord searches to and fro for the hearts that are wholly His. Yous sister-Stacy
Thanks for the encouragement.
I’m still working on letting go and having faith in things, but it’s becoming easier everyday.
I am struggling right now and I wonder if I have pushed God away so much that he is just done with trying. I want to believe in God and Jesus but something just pushes me back. Is my heart to hard, is God done trying? I am empty, I see what other people have with Jesus in their life but I am scared to death and just can’t fully commit to him in my heart and when I ask him to save me I feel like I am just going through the motions. I WANT PEACE!!